dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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