no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize