I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
