She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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