there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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