Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
