This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
