yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
