omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
