NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
