NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize