There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize