I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
