he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I would fuck him just for his dog
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
