Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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