i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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