Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
