I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
