I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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