Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
