i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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