Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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