when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize