I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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