I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
