Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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