Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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