Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
