This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
