I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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