I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize