I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
