While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
