well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
