Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Panties = found
Randomize
