You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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