dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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