Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
