Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
