Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
