We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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