Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
