I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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