He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
