I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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