Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
