Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you guys were way drunker than both of me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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