I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
