sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize