you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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