My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
