I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
