I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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