This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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