FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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