If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
