why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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