Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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