will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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