just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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