We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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