Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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