I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize