hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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