Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
