How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
