it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
