I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
pray to the hookup gods
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
