i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
