meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
