see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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