I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Someone signed my nipple.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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