I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
