I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize