I hope mine doesn't look like that
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
