like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
