Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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